3. My Catalyst = Broken Bones?

A catalyst.

It can be the magic to movement. The inspiration for change. The beginning of the next step. A chemical reaction that sparks the inevitable commotion.

In Chemistry a catalyst is a substance that causes or accelerates a chemical reaction without itself being affected.

In practical form a catalyst refers to a person or thing that precipitates an event or change. An agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action.

The practical (figurative) sense of the term has been used since the 1940’s, according to Webster, and when we hear the term Catalyst used in a sentence our minds know exactly what that means. 

Though a figurative catalyst doesn’t necessarily have any alliance with leaning towards a positive change, I can’t recall hearing the term used to describe a negative change. Not that it doesn’t happen, but my personal lens seems to crave a positive association with the idea of a catalyst. And gosh, positive changes are what this blog is all about. So that’s how we’re going to roll! 

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I wouldn’t have thought a shattered ankle would’ve been my catalyst. But I’ve been wrong many times before…

Some backstory:

Maintaining a narrow focus – helps increase the rate of progress in the category of that focus. With only a finite amount of energy to expel each day, it’s interesting to reverse analyze where I had been spending this precious energy.

Top athletes & high achievers talk about it all the time. You have to dial in the focus to the single most important thing. Gary Keller wrote a whole book dedicated to this concept, appropriately titled “The ONE thing.”

“Focus is a matter of deciding what things you’re not going to do.”

Gary Keller

I had done this pretty well with my racing. Although from my perspective at the time there was a lot more going on than just racing motocross, as I reflect – it’s easy to see that the focus was pretty damnnnnn narrow.

It was the type of obsession where the majority of my mental energy was spent either working on the bikes, visualizing riding technique, analyzing how to build endurance & strength or dissecting the previous weekends races over and over. My world was motocross.

Aware but not conscious:

I knew there were a lot of things, besides racing, that I wanted to do. I needed to do. Critical points in my story, but maybe just a few chapters away. Topics that I had just touched the surface on, but inherently knew that a deeper dive would reveal invaluable gems…I’d get to them one day, but I had unfinished business to attend to.

As I got into my mid twenties, I always assumed those chapters would creep closer, but as time went by – my focus only grew more dialed in for racing as other topics were left unattended. It was as if, the more control I gained over my mind and actions, the more direct my energy was aimed towards my goal. 

The final chapter:

A move to Temecula and a shift to the pro class was the next step in the plan. The fire was only fueled when I had some good results in my first local pro races after the move. It was like 12 years of work were starting to show some damn rewards. To some it’s no biggie, just some small time local pro stuff, but after 4 difficult years of injuries leading up to this short period of time, gratifying just doesn’t describe the feeling.

Fast forward to the next year. With a handful of positive energy and optimism, pops and I headed to Reno for a pro arenacross race…

After any serious injury, there’s some downer time. Some periods of battle with the depression train. The thing that drives you most has been taken. Either for a short period of time, or in some cases forever. I knew my injury in 2014 was it for my racing as soon as it happened. Lying in a Reno hospital bed as the doctors attempted to pry my mangled ankle back into a somewhat stable position while we waited for the swelling to go down. Even through the morphine and chaos of a hospital ER… I knew that a return to racing was not in the cards.

Not that others hadn’t come back from worse injuries. The injury-rehab cycle is just part of the game when it comes to motocross. Every racer knows the cycle and has their own story to tell. For me though, this was the fourth year in a row with a serious injury. Most of which were unavoidable racing incidents, just some unlucky situations (is what i like to tell myself).

It’s difficult to explain the frustration of a complete halt in progress with every injury, every setback. Those that know the sport will get it. Taking 2 -3 months off each year to recover from the most recent collision with the earth is not an efficient way to continue on the progression trail. The reality is, I was never a phenom. I had to work at my craft. Maybe it’s because I started racing at age 13 when my competitors started at age 5, but that topic is for another day. I was past the midway point in my twenties and I had used up all of my Moto lives.

It was kind of how it had to happen though. I wasn’t going to quit. The naivety of a stubborn athlete, consumed by his chosen discipline to the point where reality is being distorted. The world narrowed to a single path. Those around me knew the deal. My focus was dialed and I was unable to stop. Well, a couple of plates and 15 screws stopped me. Right in my tracks, or rut shall we say.

There’s been treacherous twists, some unexpected turns, a couple of nasty hill climbs randomly littered with jagged boulders to dodge – on the track and metaphorically. Blood, sweat, tears. Like beautifully constructed chaos. Rather than wishing things had ended differently, I choose to feel gratitude for the lessons learned and the mental growth that occurred. The neural circuitry was primed for whatever was to come next.

The transition:

With racing out of the picture, at least for the foreseeable future, my narrowly focused lens had an opportunity to expand in aperture. With more light entering the system, a refocus was the only option. 

In real life, sometimes a catalyst executes its power in a more subtle manner. It’s not always going to be an extreme instance of chemical reaction that causes the change. The key is being aware enough to capitalize when the opportunity is presented. In my case, some post analysis has shed light that I was subconsciously waiting for the catalyst to emerge. It’s just a bummer it showed up in the form of so much pain… but maybe that’s the only way it was truly going to be a catalyst!

I started reading. And writing. And dissecting. You know that classic line: “The more you learn, the more you realize you don’t know.” Well I proved that one. It became apparent very quickly that I had a lot of beliefs that were just handed down from family and friends – that I really hadn’t tested. I hadn’t dissected on the same level I would a motocross riding technique. I had just taken them for truths, with no legitimate documents of proof.

It took a little while, as anything worth doing does, but I eventually arrived at the breaking point… The epiphany… The moment of massive clarity, where I was able to view my hard drive from an outside perspective. Influenced by my surroundings, by mentors, my elders. For good and for bad. Each experience in my life had helped create my ideologies and opinions… And I wasn’t sure all of them were accurate.

The realization:

So there I was. Just like any other human in his mid twenties. Subconsciously influenced and brainwashed by family, friends, media…Starting to form ideologies that were going to stick with me for my whole life. Creating an endless case of biased conclusions based on only a small amount of surface information. The lens I saw the world through was tinted, I needed to clear fog. I remember it so clearly. During an early morning writing session, still dark outside. Some caffeine already doing its thing in my system. The quiet, still mornings. The perfect setting for ultimate mental breakthroughs…

 Sitting at my desk with an overwhelming feeling of freedom. In an instant the mental decision was made to break every bias that I had been carrying around. My mind so light and clear. A blank canvas, ready to absorb, dissect and question everything that I had been taking for truth. The dismantling of my ego.

Sometimes in life, we have what feels like revolutionary ideas. Moments of massive change… only to fall back into our old habits a week later, because well, we’re human. This was not that scenario. This was beyond a thought. Examination of my journals, my notes and my actions since that day are proof of the change. This was legitimate shift in my reality.

It’s been years since that pivotal morning session that jumpstarted the whole shebang…. 

I wonder, had I not shattered my ankle, would I have been led to this early departure from narrowsville? Or would it have just occurred years later, after those ideologies and biases were even further cemented in my brain? If things had been different, would there have been a true catalyst? You know, the thing that provokes or speeds significant change or action. Would I have been able to remove the tint from my lens at all?

That’s actually one question that doesn’t need an answer. All that can be done is be grateful for where we’re at now, where we’ve been and what we’ve learned.

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Ok, so what’s the point?

Although I would have preferred a less painful catalyst to arrive in my world, I’ll take this one over none at all. Sometimes when you’re so locked in on something – the catalyst needs to execute a more aggressive jolt to the system.

Be on the lookout for a catalyst. It might show up in the most unlikely of ways. What at first seems like a tragedy, might turn out to be a window to a new level of consciousness. The trick is being open enough mentally to become aware of the opportunity when it arises. 

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There it is, a quick insight to my story. A look at how a catalyst came to be for me. Sometimes we’re unaware how much a change is even needed. Until a slap in the face forces the cloak to be deleted.

I wonder what mechanism will actually do the trick. I wonder if a universal catalyst exists? Or is it really case by case, each person a new mission. Maybe it’s specific to our individual mental nutrition.

Maybe there’s a way to inspire a certain percentage. And let them use the new power to reiterate the message. Feed their crew, their friends, and their family. Show that the way it was… isn’t the way it has to be.

Far from a manner of boastful self-righteousness. But more by example of unselfish mindfulness.

Find it in a book, a poem or a song. As long as we attempt progress, it’s impossible to get it wrong. It might be worth taking a second look at our truths, Some of those beliefs we’ve held strong since our youth. 

Maybe my story is unique and not as feasible, Ya know… the completely clean slate that I made. But what if you picked just one topic and let the grip go, to pave the way for a new foundation to be laid?

Think of the beliefs you’ve held for years and years, Aren’t you a bit smarter and more equipped now? It’d be interesting if we became aware that to switch gears, It just starts with some simple questions of why and how…

Maybe the catalyst is near. Maybe it’s right now. Maybe this will hit your ear and spark a lift of eyebrow. Maybe a catalyst is close. It could be in this moment. Maybe this is just a dose and your catalyst is approaching. 

Thanks for reading.

– Jonathan